Short jokes
A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.
Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
What does a pedophile mostly pound on a piano?
A minor.
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'
'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'
What's red and spins really fast?
Kurt Cobain's ceiling fan.
What's a pirate's favorite shop?
Arrrrrrrrgos.
Me: I look up to you.
Friend: Wow, thanks!
Me: But in general cuz your so tall.
Girls are like volcanoes.
You never know when they will erupt.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.
Someone said to stop hurting myself, but I'm still trying to cut my arms off.
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.
It’s called Enditol.
I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\
White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?
Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!