I got my son a trampoline for his birthday.
The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the whole time.
Short Jokes
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
What is Jesus's favorite exercise?
Cross Fit.
Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?
Just turn off the lights.
What is Stephen Hawking's least favorite movie?
Standing Tall.
Error code 404. "Will to live" not found.
Smileandtalk.exe has stopped working.
I hate myself.
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
- There's 20 of them.
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
Yo mama so stupid she threw a Mother's Day party at an orphanage.
Welcome back to the hide and seek world championship! Osama Bin Laden vs. Anne Frank!
What did the suicidal leprechaun say?
"Irish I was dead."
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
What’s a cannibal's favorite takeaway shop?
The orphanage.
