Short jokes

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.

September 11, bring your plane to work day.

Why do orphans like getting kidnapped? Because someone actually wants them. 🤣

Me: Mom, I'm tired.

Mom: "Then go to sleep."

Me: No, you don't understand-

If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?

If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.

What’s New York’s favorite game?

2001 flight simulator.

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?

A kindergarden.

Why can’t an orphan get suspended or expelled from school? Because they need to contact parents.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an airplane landing strip? Don't know, neither did my dad.

A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.

What do you call a group of emos?

Suicide Squad.

I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.

I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."

I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.

How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.

I wish I could be as visible as my depression is.

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.