Short jokes
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.
Me: Wow, they found the body already?
Dad: :/
Everybody misses Xxxtentacion, but the bullet didn't...
"You look like you've lost some weight."
"Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found it, pal!"
How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?
Two, one for her and one for the baby.
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!
Orphan: You will?
What cow can part water? Mooses.
Sleep, but make it forever.
A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
Donkeys are cool.
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".
My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'
'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'
Do you think midgets start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"?
Why is it so hard to play hide-and-seek in an orphanage?
Because nobody is looking for them.
Jake Paul