Short jokes

Short Jokes

Christmas

It’s Christmas. Merry Christmin. Merry Chrirismas. Merry Chrisis. Merry Chrsyler.

Job

Have you heard about my new can crushing job?

It's soda-pressing.

Girl

Why couldn't the girl with no arms hug her parents?

Because she had none of the above.

Grandpa

I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.

"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"

Game

Did you know Stephen Hawking died in a game? The game was Happy Wheels.

Fat

Friend texting fat boy: I know you're on the group chat. I can see you looking at my texts.

Me: I can only see fat.

Rest

If a kid does not go to sleep during nap time, isn't he resisting a rest?

Sex

You know sex is better than logic, but I could've proved it...

Salt

What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?

That’s assault!

Degree

Do you want to know why I hired a protractor to tutor my nephew in IIROC? Because he has degrees. 180 of them. So he's smar[t].

Ghost

I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."

Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.