Short jokes
What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?
"Get off me homes."
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I stayed up all night trying to follow the sun... Then it dawned on me.
No means no, but if you use chloroform, it’s a guaranteed yes.
What is a Mexican’s favorite band?
Twenty Juan Pilots.
What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?
A pair of Caesars.
Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.
Like this if you are a single Pringle like me.
What objects have the most gravitational force?
A Lambo and a gold digger.
Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.
What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
God: “Steven, join us.”
*sees the staircase to heaven*
Steven: “Shit.”
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.
What do you call a midget with autism?
A weetard.
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
What’s one thing orphans don’t have on their computer? A home page.
I like my men how I like my coffee...
WITHOUT A FUCKING VAGINA!