Short jokes

Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?

He won a no-bell prize.

Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.

Why does the nucleus feel trapped?

Because it’s inside a cell!

What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.

Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.

What do you call a down syndrome person that was hit by a car?

Mash potato.

Why are fish easy to measure?

Because they bring their own scales.

Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.

Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.

Why did God make men?

Because you can't teach a vibrator how to mow the lawn...

My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.

A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"

Real quick, I'm autistic, and if anyone asks, I absolutely love some of these jokes. XD I found this while doing some research for a paper.

It's only rape.

If she finds out.

Humanity.

I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.