Short jokes
What’s the difference between a chicken and an orphan?
The chicken is actually used for something.
What if death is hell because there is no bridge to heaven?
Your momma is so fat, when she got in the Pacific, she became the Pacific Ocean.
Your mama's so ugly, she got everything for free.
In Ohio, people walk with their hands.
What did the shoe tell the feet?
"Put me on your feet!"
Wesley, stop saying your life is a joke.
Jokes have meaning.
Why do cannibals love sex? They can make their own food.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
El, if I know.
Mickey: I want a divorce!
Minney: Are you fricking crazy?
Mickey: No, I'm fricking Daisy!
How is the world's fattest avocado called?
Niko
Why did the blind man get killed? Because he never saw it coming.
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.
I'll let you decide.
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
I'm great!! I'm good. I'm doing good hahaha. I mean "well" haha! Haha I'm doing well, not good! Haha I'm not doing good! I'm not doing so good.
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”
If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?
Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.