What do a prostitute and peanut butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.
Short Jokes
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
Where do you buy a dishwasher?
Hot singles in your area.
Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?
They made the toys.
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?
Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
My thighs have a different texture pack than the rest of me.
I don't struggle with depression, I'm used to it.
I'm so depressed that when I smile, my Face ID doesn't recognize me.
What do you call Hitler speeding?
The Fast and the Fuherous.
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
What do you find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?
Heads and shoulders.
My math teacher keeps telling me to find his x. It's kinda creepy.
Why did the chicken cross the road? cuz he saw a chic 😉
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
