Short jokes
What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?
My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.
Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?
I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.
When earthquakes hit, coffins become maracas underground.
What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
What is purple and whines when it’s squished?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.
Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor bastard.
I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.
I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.
For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏
What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?
A neck.
Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.
Why does Hitler drink milk? Because he doesn't like juice.
An orphan girl wanted a family so she was raped until pregnant. Problem solved.
I'm so gay I could barely think straight.
What’s an abbreviation for school in America?
Shooting range.
Jokes just as dead as the victims.