Short jokes
I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.
For all the people with Covid-19, I just want to say... Stay positive.
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
All they said was, "Bach, Bach, Bach..."
Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.
What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.
Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
Did you hear about the light bulb party? Yeah, it was pretty lit!
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
What was the one word that could have saved Princess Diana's life?
Taxi.
Autistic jokes have been very popular recently. In other words, I've been very popular recently.
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.
How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?
He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.
How do you make an emo jump?
A cliff.
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
An orphan's first word would be "orphan keeper."
My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.