Short jokes

DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.

SON: Why?

DAD: You're going to need them.

modern feminism.

What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?

My dick.

Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.

What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?

My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.

Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?

I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.

Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?

Because they go down so well.

I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.

I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.

Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.

You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"

Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.

I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!

What is purple and whines when it’s squished?

A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

A guy finds a genie.

He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."

"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"