Short jokes
What is purple and whines when it’s squished?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.
What’s an abbreviation for school in America?
Shooting range.
Jokes just as dead as the victims.
A guy finds a genie.
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.
Why do you call a man that is physically handicapped and German?
A physically handicapped bisexual man that is promiscuous and German.
What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.
Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."
Off the nearby cliff.
I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."
Why don't midgets use tampons?
Answer: They are always tripping over the string.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair. 😎
What animal should wear a wig?
A bald eagle!
All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.
So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
What's the difference between a feminist and Kim Jong Un?
Kim Jong Un has rights.
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.
If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein'.