Short jokes

"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."

How do you rape a feminist? Tell her you are a woman and she will let you do whatever. You won't even need to force it.

Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.

Where do feminists go when they die? "Hell's Kitchen."

I gave a tree a high five, but sadly it left me hanging.

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.

SON: Why?

DAD: You're going to need them.

modern feminism.

What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?

My dick.

Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.

What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?

My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.

Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?

I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.

Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?

Because they go down so well.

I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.

I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.

Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.

You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"

Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.