Short jokes
What starts with M and ends with carriage?
This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
Q. How does a feminist stop a rapist?
A. By using her equal strength.
I had problems milking my cow one morning. It was an udder failure.
A war isn’t about who is right, it’s about who is left!
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.
Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"
What did the fish say before he hit the wall? -- "Oh, dam."
Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.
A guy finds a genie.
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
What food does a cheetah eat?
Fast food.
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.