Short jokes
When you feel lonely, just watch a scary movie.
You won't feel lonely anymore :(
Where did JFK go in his car? I am not sure of his intentional destination, but he did go everywhere.
My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.
Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."
He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.
Be careful around EDP445.
Smile, because it confuses people. Smile, because it’s easier than explaining what is killing you inside.
If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.
So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."
Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?
How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?
Two, one for her and one for the baby.
What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.
When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?
The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!
Any game: "Are you a boy or a girl?"
Non-binary people: *cries*
The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.
Me: Wow, they found the body already?
Dad: :/
I'm not saying you're inbred. I'm just saying you're a textbook example of why consanguineous marriage might not be the best idea.
Why are Egyptian gods orphans?
Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.