Short jokes

I just had sex.

Suicide is population control, republished.

Your face needs to be put in the trash so people don't need to suffer.

If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.

Quote from Seth no.1: "I would have fought back, but she was seven."

What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

(just a joke) My grandfather was involved in 9/11. I’ve kept his pilot medals for how good of a pilot he was.

What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?

A holy CUMmunion.

So, Dad is teaching his 8-year-old son about the planets and said, "This is Uranus." Then the 5-year-old son says, "Where is my anus?"

Wahoo!

I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."

One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.

What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"

Have you heard of the Xbox game Sea of Thieves?

See if these nuts fit in your mouth.

Hey, Britain, no queen? :(

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

What’s the difference between candy and an orphan?

Candy is something everybody wants.

What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is usually a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.

What does lmao mean? Laughing miles.