Short jokes
Why did the astronaut return to Earth?
She went on her launch break! šš„Ŗš
Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."
What cow can part water? Mooses.
Donkeys are cool.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 5 percent?
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well, it was more of a wrap.
Did you hear the joke about the butter?
What is it?
I canāt tell you, youāll spread it.
Why did the lemon š go to the doctor š©āāļø?
Because he had a sour stomach.
What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeno.
If Iron Man and Quicksilver teamed up,
They would be alloys.
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.
On September 11th, 2001, the New York Giants lost against the Jets.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time youāre inside of them.
Why is the Z the only politically correct letter?
Because all the other letters are not Z's.
Why do Asians have squinty eyes?
Because atomic bombs are pretty damn bright.
Why canāt kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?
Because no oneās looking for them.
A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.
A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.
A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.
Itās called Trycoxagain.
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".