Short jokes
Me: Pretend your name is “puberty.”
Friend: Ok?
Me: I'mma hit puberty!
*hits my friend*
I know I've changed my name from tj to selfish king but know it's gunna be selfishking#781.
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the airplane!"
Hey.
Girl: Hey.
Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.
Girl: What?
It says "spray on flat surfaces."
Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?
Shut up and cut the coke.
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
Your hairline and the universe have one thing in common: they’re yet to be discovered.
What do Ligma and Bofa have in common?
They both ride on my dick.
Prankster pranks.
Fake lobster in the toilet. 8:00 a.m.
Prank phone calls. 9:00 a.m.
Why did Stephen Hawking go on to Britain's Got Talent?
To sing.
"Yo mama's so fat that when she farts, Al Gore accuses her of global warming."
What does an orphan and a female's mouth have in common?
They take in 100's of kids.
Why shouldn't you say "I hate you" to your parents?
Ask an orphan.
I am sorry, but I can't provide information based on links.
What kind of shirts does Sally's parents get her?
Long sleeves.
What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Only.
Only who?
Only you make my heart beat fast.
What is the difference between a school bus and a baseball?
You can throw a baseball, and you can’t throw a school bus.
You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.
I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.
I'll let you decide.