Short jokes
What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeno.
I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.
Did you hear the joke about the butter?
What is it?
I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.
If Iron Man and Quicksilver teamed up,
They would be alloys.
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello on the other side.
A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.
What kind of bee makes milk?
Boo Bees
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'
'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'
What do you call an Irish lesbian? A gay lick.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".
My thighs have a different texture pack than the rest of me.
I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.
Tbh they really left me hanging there.
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?
Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!
What do you call Hitler speeding?
The Fast and the Fuherous.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)