Short jokes
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello on the other side.
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeno.
I'm not saying you're inbred. I'm just saying you're a textbook example of why consanguineous marriage might not be the best idea.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
Why is a wet pavement like playing music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.
Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?
The recoil.
My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.
There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.
What does a lesbian bring on the second date?
A U-Haul.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?
Flatman and Ribbon.
I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.
I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.
Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.
I'd tell a necrophilia joke, but they've been done to death.
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
Why did the feminist fail algebra?
She couldn’t solve inequalities.