Short jokes
What’s the difference between jam and marmalade?
I can’t marmalade my cock into your mum’s arse.
It's hard to tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcastic Club or not.
I'm running out of degrees? I guess I better throw myself in fire to raise my internal temperature (measured in degrees).
What’s an orphan's favorite game?
Catch.
Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.
*The next day*
Uncle: F*CK!
What’s a German’s favorite drink? Orange Jews. Hundred percent concentrated.
In 2006 on 6/9, there was something called communication opportunity happened. On 6/9. 69. Coincidence? I think NOT.
What do you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-lievable!
If I stepped on a Twix, would you get mad?
Know your ABCs! Assholes, bitches, and cocaine!
What's worse than having a comedian as president? Having a president that has dementia.
What is the Twilight series about?
A girl's choice between necrophilia and bestiality.
"Meow, meow, woof, woof." That's what animals say to me when I die.
My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.
What is the orphan's favorite toy from his parents?
They don’t have parents to pay for a toy.
What did the police say to the ice cream freezer?
I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.
It didn't land too well.
Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?
A. "Till I Collapse."
It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.
What do you call sex with a hoover?
Clean sex.