Short jokes
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?
Because no one’s looking for them.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.
I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.
Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.
what's another name for cumming inside of a woman?
loading the dishwasher.
Why did the astronaut return to Earth?
She went on her launch break! 🚀🥪😋
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
Me: I look up to you.
Friend: Wow, thanks!
Me: But in general cuz your so tall.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello on the other side.
I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 5 percent?
I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.
If Iron Man and Quicksilver teamed up,
They would be alloys.
What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeno.
Did you hear the joke about the butter?
What is it?
I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.
Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.
BTW, I am one, wahahaa!