Short jokes
What starts with M and ends with carriage?
This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.
I had problems milking my cow one morning. It was an udder failure.
A war isn’t about who is right, it’s about who is left!
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
I knocked on Stephen Hawking's door, but nobody answered...
All I got was "error 404 page not found."
How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.
My midget landlord told me to pack my things up and that I've got 30 minutes to get out. That's short notice!
Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.
What did the fish say before he hit the wall? -- "Oh, dam."
Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.
A guy finds a genie.
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
What food does a cheetah eat?
Fast food.
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."