Short jokes
Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.
I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.
DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.
What did the blind man fight in the bar?
The coat rack.
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
what did the banana say to the banana?
"u look a-pealing"
Where do feminists go when they die? "Hell's Kitchen."
modern feminism.
What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?
My dick.
What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?
Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.
I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.
What is purple and whines when it’s squished?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂
What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?
A neck.
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.
I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.