Short jokes
God better hope they got an elevator to Heaven.
Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?
Asgard.
Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?
Never mind, it was needle-ess.
A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.
I don't have any now.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired!
If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?
0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.
His wife shut off the internet.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
What do you call a bear with no ears? A b.
Yeah, that joke was unbearable.
What did the boyfriend say to his girlfriend?
Why did the camel cross the road?
Because it wanted to get to the bright green grass.
Why does the sun get a lot of girls? Because it's hot.
Two pencils walking down the street.
Which one hasn’t got AIDS?
The one with the rubber on.
Why can't blondes make ice?
They forgot the recipe.
What's the difference between the microphone and Bambi?
One is a Welsh idea, the other's a well shy deer.
Max Alexander Heart is adopted.
Evan David Sandri is gay and he is adopted.
"Hi, my name is Robert. I have no life. Even my PS4 username is gay lil_bama."
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
Where did the chef put the disease?
In Ebola.