Short jokes
Wee dyslexic boy and girl in class.
Wee boy says, "Can you smell gas?"
Wee girl replies, "I canny even smell my name!"
Kid: Dad, what happened to the kidnapper?
Dad: He had a nap.
Kid: Where is he now?
Dad: HELL!
Whoever is deleting my messages, comment and say why!
Daughter: Where was I born?
Dad: Alabama.
Daughter: That is nice.
Mum: We have never been to Alabama.
Dad: RUN!
Why is there no invitation to an internet party for those with laptops? Everyone can get in.
Your butt looks so big, it's bigger than Sam Hill.
What do you call a broccoli 🥦 when it’s a ghost?
Cauliflower!
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
Pee.
Dad: What do you call a crazy creeper?
Mom: Shit, I don't know...
Kid: Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Dad: That's my boy's!!!
Why did the cliff feel offended?
Because George jumped OFF. ENDED his life.
(I'm sorry... No, I'm not!)
Yo mama so fat that when Thanos tried to snap her out of the world, he couldn't do it, so instead, he clapped her out of the world.
One orphan said, "Daddy, chill." I was like, "You don't have a dad!"
I gave up my seat to blind lady because she couldn't find any--let's just say I lost my job as a bus driver.
I slit my wrists.
Why was the orphan able to avoid getting into trouble at school?
Because they couldn’t call his parents!
What's the difference between a nun and a prostitute taking a bath?
The nun has a soul full of hope...
Stephen Hawking is the fastest footballer ever--he could just charge up the Left Wing!
What do you get if you add "ER" onto Hamburg?
Hamburg-ER.
I find bananas very appeeling.