Q: Why don't pedophiles win races?
A: Because they like to come in a little behind.
Short Jokes
Which category is glory in?
Cats.
Where did Alice go during the explosion?
Everywhere.
What did the squash say to the tomato?
Ketchup!
Was ist der Lieblingssport eines Deutschen?
When it is quiet when you're having sex and you ask your partner to "Do the roar!"
There's a new horror movie about Stephen Hawking.
It's called "Unplugged!"
Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? Why couldn't the pervert cross the road? Because his dick was in the chicken's ass!
What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
Refrigerators don't queef when you pull your meat out.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
A skeleton had a job interview, but he looked messy.
I had to fix his collarbone.
Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"
What do you call an orphan? Batman.
Why was the chicken black and the other were white? Adoption!
No one:
Literally no one:
Abraham Lincoln: *dies*
John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*
Why does this stingray's wife can't stop babbling?
'Cause she can't watch her mouth.
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.
Why did the bone go on a blind date? He was bonely.
Do you know who invented paper?
Cai Lun!
“RIP” Cai Lun.
Nuts, nuts, nuts!