Short jokes
Rory Burrows is dyslexic.
What does a pizza and a Mexican have in common?
One can feed a family.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
I went 80 mph in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screamed, "Am I hallucinating?"
What do you get when you cross a pig with a cactus? A porkupine!
Yo mama so fat, when she got ran over, the van did a 360 flip to Mars!
When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.
Roberto: Judd, your DNA looks like the infinite symbol.
Judd: Roberto, your DNA looks like a pasta noodle.
You can slap, punch, knock out an orphan, what will they do? They don't have parents!
1: Hey.
2: What?
1: We're outta paint.
2: *HMM*
(And that's how stop signs have extra paint.)
What do you call Scooby Doo with a blunt in his mouth? Scooby Dooby.
Why did the ducks go to jail?
They sold quack.
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite food?
His left shoulder.
Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?
Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!
Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!
Why did the bounty hunter not cash in an orphan?
He was not worth keeping.
The name is Doe, Dilbert Doe. You can call me Dil.
Yo, I feel like shit when you're around.
My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.
I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"