Short jokes
Why was the rapper bad at baseball?
Because he couldn't stop DROPPING HITS.
Why did the rapper bring a fishing rod to the studio?
To reel in some KILLER HOOKS.
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
What is the definition of auto masturbation?
Fellatio.
I left my Avatar at home today.
I never get off on the wrong foot.
How did Helen Keller dance? Very Bad.
How did Helen Keller draw? With her hand.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.
What did the parent say to M.J.?
"Get off my kid!"
Why couldn't people have their phone on airplane mode during 9/11?
Because their phone exploded the towers.
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?
Idaho... Alaska!
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
Oops!
Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel.
Bro has to get a fringe to cover up the big, increasing hairline.
What did the tree say to the depressed kid?
"Stop hanging around."
What do they call Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson's son? The Pebble.
Your mum is so fat that she took a spoon to the supercool.