Short jokes
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them, haha!
What did the brother cell say when the sister cell stepped on his foot? Ow, mitosis! (my toe, sis)
Your mom gay.
My wife purely hates me for me having sex with our daughter.
It's not my fault I couldn't wait to get out of the abortion clinic!
Justin Bieber
Rape jokes aren't funny.
Oh my god, she hit me with a bat,
'Cause she was transgender.
Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman... no other reasons besides that.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?
I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.
What do you call autistic people with guns? Special forces.
Every time French people greet me, they say "banjo."
Nga, I don't got no fucking banjo.
Germans be like, “Guten Morgan.”
Bitch, that's not my name.
Spanish folks must love Olaf because they say his name to me all the time.
What is the difference between a zebra and a female NCO?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.
What do dicks and Rubik's Cubes have in common?
The more you play with them, the harder they get.