Short jokes
Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂
Why is the iPhone 7 not a smartphone?
It doesn't know jack.
You know where I get my soda? Mini-soda.
Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.
Hands down, syndromes are bad.
I have something on my lip and I think I’m taller than you.
"Who am I?"
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
It took Jesus 3 days to respond.
Worst lag ever!
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
What's meaner than taking candy from a baby?
Throwing the baby off a cliff.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
1950: In the future there will be flying cars.
2018: Pewdiepie shuts down Shane Dawson.
Yeet.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them, haha!
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Your mom gay.
What did the brother cell say when the sister cell stepped on his foot? Ow, mitosis! (my toe, sis)