Short jokes
Say, "Crack my fingers."
Now say that backwards...
What's the worst living thing on planet earth?
Humans.
When fat people smash, it must feel like a huge submarine hitting you.
An obese kid farts.
Why couldn't the orphan go into the restaurant?
It was family friendly.
Flip 1134 over on a calculator.
Happy holidays!
Maude of ghostposter is a dumb Christian pussy-ass bitch. She's so fucking squeamish it's hilarious, although I hate her.
What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?
He found that he had a piece in his sole!
What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!
Why don't people play hide-and-seek in the number 4?
Because it would take forever. Get it? "For-ever" and "4" four, so "four ever."
What's 72?
69 with 3 people watching.
What kind of rape victim has a shower ten times a day?
The type that gets raped a lot.
Somebody shouts "Fire!"
Man 1: Get the children out!
Man 2: F*** the children!
Man 3: We don't have time!
9/11 pilots are the best readers.
They went through 30 stories in less than an hour.
A gay rapist saves a female rape victim, then rapes the rapist.
Rapist: Rape doesn't hurt anybody.
Victim: (Implied response indicating the rapist is wrong)
What do you tell someone who has depression?
Answer: Just hang in there.
I watch gay porn.
You smash me so hard, I gave her the D.
Gay orphans don't exist cuz they have no one to call "daddy," and lesbian orphans don't exist cuz they have no one to call "mommy."