Short jokes
What does a "Smart Russian" and a "Unicorn" have in common?
Answer: Non-existence!
I felt bad for a dog, and I looked to my left, and there was an orphan, and I said I will make you a website, and I said there won't be a homepage.
Does that neverending forehead of yours go all the way to Mars, holy fucking shit?
What do you call a Pegasus that is being sus?
A megasus!
Why can't Asians do word searches?
They can't see the words.
The kid's dad was a magician because he disappeared and never came back.
I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.
I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"
What do you call a fast boat?
Usain Boat.
Do you wanna eat makeup, 'cause you're not pretty on the inside?
What kind of flour do orphans use to make bread?
Self-raising.
What did one shark say to the other while eating a clownfish?
Person: "How many people have you had intercourse with?"
Me: "Nun."
Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.
Who needs parents to be great?
Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!
Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.
I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"
Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."
People in Africa have earth, fire, air, but never water.
ememe
I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.
Teacher: "Do you guys want to get in trouble?"
Kid named Teacher: *