Short jokes
Why are orphans' funerals so small?
They have no loved ones.
They call me Juan, they call me Jose, but I'm Juan person.
So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...
Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
Good Morning Everyone, have a good and positive day!
Why did the knight cross the road?
He can't because his armor was too heavy.
My gamer tag is TheBigAut.
To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!
Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied?
'Cause they can’t stand up for themselves.
What happens when Helen Keller picks her nose?
She slurs her words...
Friend: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Friend: Your life.
Me: Ahhh, I wish!
*jumps off building*
Why did the mailman die?
Because everyone dies.
What do you call James Bond in a bathtub?
Bubble 007.
You.
If you need help, you will need trash, 'cause you the trash.
Kid: Mom, do trees poop?
Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.
My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!
My bf: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
My bf: Ice cream.
Me: Ice cream who?
My bf: I scream if you don't let me see that smoking hot body!
What's the difference between a girl eating Taco Bell and doing sex a few times? Nothing. Something always comes out.
What do you get when you mix a fly and a rabbit?
Bugs Bunny!