Short jokes
If you are on here, don’t hate. There will be rude ones, but it doesn’t matter.
Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,
If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.
How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dad!
Dad who?
Silence.
Where did Susie go after the bomb exploded?
Everywhere.
What did Steven Hawking say?
Nothing.
No, no, no, no. Spot the intruder.
There's no one.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.
Daniel takes his frustrations out on Shaenaya and his sexual frustrations out on Arunima.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.
People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
What brakes but never falls, and what falls but never brakes?
Answer: Night falls and dawn brakes.
Why am I idiot?
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
Your mom has a bone to pick with me.
Why is the Nazi Anthem banned in Germany? Because Horst Wessel lied.
Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?
He didn't have the guts to see it.
Swiggity swooty, I'm coming for that booty!
I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.
AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!