Short jokes
He placed the chocolates and the flowers down beside her.
Silence...
And then at last she spoke...
"Unexpected item in the bagging area."
When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.
I have some words that might make sense to girls, but maybe not to boys, ready?
smart
kind
sweet
caring
loving
mature
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
Why didn't the orange go to the doctor?
Because he had vitamin C.
Why is the beach friendly?
Because it waves!
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.
What do you call a train that stalls?
The little engine that couldn't!
I tried to calculate 3/(my life), and I kept getting zero.
Why does a cow love music?
Because it can play a moo-sical instrument.
Your mama is so ugly, she makes the devil cry.
What is the smallest room in the world?
A mushroom.
Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."
Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.
What do inner city schools and databases have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.
What did the skeleton say to Shrek?
"Jump on me. I can have two layers of skin too."
Life is beautiful, but you are ugly.
What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?
"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"
What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn!