Why did the chef cook his eggs on the golf course? Because he wanted them par-boiled!
Short Jokes
If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?
What’s the difference between a Canadian and a unicorn?
Nothing, they’re both mythical creatures.
How did the blind girl get a date?
She said it was love at first sight.
What do you say to a pig with no nose? You have n'ought a snout!
Why is the iPhone 7 not a smartphone?
It doesn't know jack.
Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.
How many guns can an octopus hold?
9
I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!
What time do dogs 🐕 get a walk done ✅?
Time to walk with your dog 🐶!
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!
Roses are red, lilacs are purple, I have a turtle, his name is Squirtle.
What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them, haha!
Justin Bieber
