Short jokes
Person 1: Hey, did you hear about the circus fire?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: It was in-tents.
My will to live.
You want a pizza from me!!!!
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.
What is a Jedi's favorite Italian dessert?
Obi-Wan Cannoli.
What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
What did the skeleton say to Shrek?
"Jump on me. I can have two layers of skin too."
Life is beautiful, but you are ugly.
What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?
"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
A wife asks her husband: Am I pretty or ugly?
The husband answers her: Pretty.
The wife responds: Thank yo-
The husband interrupts her: Pretty ugly!
Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,
If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.
How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dad!
Dad who?
Silence.
How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?
You poke it on.
Where did Susie go after the bomb exploded?
Everywhere.
What did Steven Hawking say?
Nothing.