Short jokes
What's the fastest way to Shepherd's Bush?
Up Shepherd's leg.
What do you call a moose that doesn't want to be known? Anonymoose.
What do you call a dog magician?
Labracadabrador!
What's a pig's favorite ballet?
Swine Lake.
What do you call someone that looks like Stephen Hawkins and is a space head? Byron Davey.
I'm really bad at giving directions, but don't take that the wrong way.
A fire broke out at the circus, it was intense.
I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.
Jack: Hey Josh!
Josh: What?
Jack: Sex!
Josh: Huh?
Jack: SEX!!
Josh: I don't get it.
Jack: Exactly ;)
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?
"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."
I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.
My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.
Wanna hear a pun?
Welp, I'll punch you with one!
Oliver
Becky: Rob, you're so stupid! Anything that you say is stupid!
Rob: .....BECKY :3
Iron Man: Where are you from?
Thor: Asgard.
Iron Man: Do you mean ass guard?
Why wasn’t the frog 🐸 crying?
Because he was hoppy.
Why did people bully the burning circuit?
It was too short.