Short jokes
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks!
Why can't orphans play poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is.
When does a kid become an orphan?
When the parents leave.
Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.
What do call six gay men going in a war?
Rainbow Six Siege.
Why do Christmas trees like wheelchairs? Because they have kids.
Your momma's so dumb, she took her driving lesson on a dinosaur.
Friend: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Friend: Your life.
Me: Ahhh, I wish!
*jumps off building*
Why did the mailman die?
Because everyone dies.
What do you call James Bond in a bathtub?
Bubble 007.
I don’t drink, don’t swear, don’t smoke, shit, I left my cigarettes at the fucking bar! (Andrew Dice Clay.)
You.
I could never date a midget.
We would never see eye to eye.
Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"
I asked Stephen if he was an organ donor, and he said why.
I said, "That's a shame. I need parts for my go-cart."
What's an orphan's least favorite theme song? The Barney theme song.
I wish I had emo nails,
So they could cut themselves.
What is the difference between an orphan and a homeless person? Nothing, haha.
Man: Okay, tell me a joke without the expense of anyone's feelings.
Me: Okay, so an Asian...
I went to a depressed person and said, "Do you wanna hang with me?"