Short jokes
Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.
Like and comment if you get it!
Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.
Roses are red, I need a broom, I just shit all over the bathroom.
Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:
"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"
The president of the USA is so damn stupid. His mother must have taken Tylenol while she was pregnant with him, or something.
Hey, dude man. I'm a dude man.
Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."
What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.
What do you call a bitch?
You call it a female dog.
What is a Jedi's favorite Italian dessert?
Obi-Wan Cannoli.
The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"
My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.
Why am I idiot?
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.
Lettuce pray.
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.