Short jokes
Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.
Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.
What did the dog say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? "Hey, mitosis!"
Apparently Steven Hawking was a stand-up kind of guy.
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.
When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
McDonald's :)
You know we straight with doin' your mom.
Why did the vegetable go to jail?
He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.
Uranus is up in the sky today.
Why don’t Mexicans have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim are in the USA.
Why did the mushroom get a new house?
Because there wasn’t mushroom!
Can you fuck me, please?
I'm listening to a song about fish--it's very catchy.
One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.
How many apps did he download?
Well, he did run out of storage.
Where do pencils go on holiday?
Pencilvania! (Pennsylvania)
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
I trained a wolf to meditate, so now she's aware-wolf.