Short jokes
Uranus is up in the sky today.
Why don’t Mexicans have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim are in the USA.
The orphanage said I couldn't go home.
Your dad is gone.
Can you fuck me, please?
You know we straight with doin' your mom.
Why did the vegetable go to jail?
He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.
Why did the mushroom get a new house?
Because there wasn’t mushroom!
What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?
One has a home.
You're so dumb that every time you use the bathroom, you use your shoe to wipe your ass.
What is a nonce's favorite toy...? You.
Did you hear about the Chinese student?
Me neither.
What's the difference between a dick and a cannon?
Your dick shots longer.
It's a tower.
No, it's a plane.
Me: Nope, it's 9/11.
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never do anything to prevent?
A school shooting.
I’m literally scratching my itchy balls right now.
Why are there not that many phones in China? Because there’s too much Wing and Wong, so they will "wing" the wrong number.
I once told a blind orphan, "Hey, look at the bright side!"
Why do women have no need for umbrellas? Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen.
I kicked a goose, and I liked it!
I got my sister a book and she cried there, but I forgot she was blind.