Short jokes
Where do pencils go on holiday?
Pencilvania! (Pennsylvania)
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.
If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?
None, the rest fly away.
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
Why take a nap on the toilet?
Because it's a restroom.
Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?
Who cares?
Hi Andrew, this is Nick.
Levi and Andrew are fat.
Why did the mushroom get a new house?
Because there wasn’t mushroom!
The orphanage said I couldn't go home.
Your dad is gone.
Why don’t Mexicans have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim are in the USA.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
What did the dog say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? "Hey, mitosis!"
Apparently Steven Hawking was a stand-up kind of guy.
A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.
Uranus is up in the sky today.
Can you fuck me, please?
If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."