Short jokes
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts lolololol hahahahah.
What kind of pictures do turtles take?
Shelfies.
Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?
Who cares?
Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.
Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a hostage?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?
What do you call it when Portericans surround your house?
A spicket fence!
Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledore’s army?
Because at one point poisonous gases were put in it.
Why did Sally decide to fly to school?
She couldn't drive.
What has a head and tail but no legs?
A penny.
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
What do you call a person with a hole in their shoe?
A Christian.
My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.
You make the juice go through my power brick.
There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.
I lost my luggage at an airport once. I sued the airline, but I lost the case...
What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?
They're both crazy and now dead.
Why is the sun lit?
Because it has much solar.