Short jokes
What happened to the egg after it went on the rollercoaster?
It was scrambled.
What is a spaceman’s favorite chocolate?
A Mars bar!
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home is.
So I stayed at my friend's house for a few days, and I was like, "OMG, why?" So, I am going home because I’m going to my best friend's house.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
I was really rooting to tell that one.
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
Roses are red,
romance is dead,
every day I suffer from existential dread.
Did you hear about the terrorist comedian?
He was actually quite funny...
He just blew the delivery.
(I'll show myself out).
Your hairline is so old, it’s more wrinkled than my great grandpa's penis.
I love climbing over walls because my ancestry was Mexican.
So the other day my black friend and I were working on a group project. He was so slow so I whipped him to make him faster.
What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?
They both have to stay in the kitchen.
POV: You're sitting here waiting for a good joke. I wait, unfulfilled.
The only reason gay people exist is because they couldn't get the opposite gender.
What are the odds of you being in a relationship that is going on in the next few months?
Roses are red, violets are blue, and if you're my friend, I'll be there till the end.
What do you call a rapper's pet?
A HIP-HOP-POTAMUS.
My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!
Stephen Hawking died because he lost Wi-Fi connection.
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.