Short jokes

I kicked a goose, and I liked it!

I got my sister a book and she cried there, but I forgot she was blind.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?

One has a home.

Did you hear about the Chinese student?

Me neither.

Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.

Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."

I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.

Yeah, it was a shih tzu.

The pilot that hit the Pentagon must suck at sex because he missed the hole.

What is a nonce's favorite toy...? You.

Women: Can I have your number?

Jesus: No.

Women: Why? Are you scared?

Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.

Why do women have no need for umbrellas? Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen.

Mom: Remember, you can tell me anything.

Abbie: I had sex with dad.

Mom: Go die in a hole!

I blend children to make a good living.

It's a tower.

No, it's a plane.

Me: Nope, it's 9/11.

What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never do anything to prevent?

A school shooting.

What does LMAO mean?

Launching missiles at orphanage.

I’m literally scratching my itchy balls right now.

What do you get if you cross Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama? A blonde n1gger cunt.

What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?

An AK-46.

Why are orphans always sad?

Because their parents aren't there to cheer them up.

I cummed on the alley.