Short jokes
This name makes me want to close season instead of open it.
Why doesn't the orphan date the girl?
Because she is a home-y.
My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"
The skeleton cancelled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart just wasn’t in it.
What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?
DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!
How many gears does a French tank have?
One forward and six reverse.
Man: Knock, knock...
Boy: Who's there?
Man: Bear...
Boy: Bear who?
Man: Bear bottom.
Why do orphans hate cricket?
Because they can't get a "homerun."
If you think about it, then adoption is the last choice for getting a child, so those who are adopted were the last choice.
I ought to complain to Spotify for you not being named this week’s hottest single.
I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?
Stephen Hawking died due to the BIOS update. He shut down because the power cable got chewed.
Balloon 1: Watch out for cactus!
Balloon 2: Where is cactussssssss?
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
Things you say before sex, Disney addition:
"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"
Q: What do you call a cow stuck on a barb wire fence?
A: Udderly destroyed.
You know how you mine and craft in Minecraft, and you chat in VR in VR Chat, but what do you do in Alabama?
Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.
Let me just remove my finger from your bottom.
Thank you, nurse!