I knew the human race made mistakes, but you're the worst I've seen so far...
Short Jokes
I saw a yellow bus and I knew that some-ting was wrong.
The bus was white.
Why am I so sad?
People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.
In a white van.
Watching "50 Shades of Grey" was more painful than my uncle fisting me as a kid.
Why did George Clooney like egg jokes?
Because he had good taste.
"Jingle bells, Osama smells."
Why does Stephen Hawking have the voice of an angel?
Because no one has ever heard an angel talk.
I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.
Hey mum, why do people keep suddenly dying in our family?
Mum?
Mum?
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
Nobody:
The Vietcong when America lands on their beaches:
tReE pOwErS aCtIvAtE!
Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!
Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
How does an Indian open his car?
"Boot, boot!" (in an Indian accent)
Paul Walker is the best legend to go down in history. Change my mind.
What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?
Her Miscarriage.
