Short jokes
What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.
I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.
Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.
Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?
Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!
Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?
Kid 2: No!
Son: What's for dinner tonight?
Mom: Steak!
Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?
Mom: HUNGER!
How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."
The emo girl in my class did her photosynthesis project on a tree. Little did she know that would be her demise later on.
You're so ugly, even a Snapchat filter can't fix it.
What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Daddy, where's my anus?
My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!
Me: I got 60 kills!
My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!
Me: What's Call of Duty?
So can we agree that Jesus was the first victim of cancel culture?
Harry Potter is a movie about a grown adult man with an unhealthy obsession with a teenage boy.
I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
How do you see past that forehead?
What's a similarity of an orphan and a deaf kid?
They both can't hear their parents.
If I had to rate the attack on the Twin Towers from the Muslims, I'd give it a 9/11.
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
"Hey, today was great!"
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car!"
Me: Pretend your name is “puberty.”
Friend: Ok?
Me: I'mma hit puberty!
*hits my friend*