Short jokes
"Jack Sparrow."
"Captain, Captain Jack Sparrow!"
What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?
5 dollar footlongs.
Your hairline is in a different area code.
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire?
Hot wheels.
This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.
I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.
Why do risky people have cats?
So they have 10 lives with them.
One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.
I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.
What’s the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.
(insert funny joke about a dick here).
Did you laugh? Be honest.
Why can't an orphan play football? Because they can't find home or return it.
What did the orphan want for Christmas?
Parents.
Why did Jesus play football?
He was Spanish, ayo.
When we told Twin Towers to put on airplane mode, we didn't mean a real airplane.
Why does an orphan hate the internet?
Because he's always on the homepage.
That autistic kid having sex for the first time:
"U The Hips, U The Hips!"
Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like:
Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"
I had to go to my friend's house.
I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???
Yo mama so fat that she had to wear a yellow jacket and everyone shouted, "Taxi!"