Short jokes
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
I was born yesterday, and I walked down memory lane. I fell over the edge!
Confucius say, "Man who bite electric wire get shocking experience!"
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you a lot!
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
Once we went to a light bulb party last night, YO it was freakin lit.
What did Connor Lys Clark say to Karl Kassulke? "I love bridges!"
What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?
Time to beet your maker.
People who make puns always get pun-ched by people.
What's a goat's favorite video game?
Mario Goat Cart!
Think like a proton--stay positive!
What is blue and wiggling on my floor?
A baby in a bag.
How did the Skeleton know it was gonna rain?
He read the weather forecast.
I used to hate facial hair,
but then it grew on me.
What's a queen's favorite drink? Royal-tea!
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
I went to the store, and yeah...