Detector jokes

Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.

Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.

Why did Stephen Hawking and his wife stop playing hide and seek? She kept using a metal detector.

"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]

"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]

"How much have you found so far?"

"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]

Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.

"BlessedBrian must be a SMOKE DETECTOR... because he never fails to kill the vibe."

So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.

Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.

Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?

Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.

Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.

Me: I been up all night, no sleep--

The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.

Me: stfu! I’m just singing!

Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!

Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!

Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......

If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.

I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.

I just found out I'm colorblind. It came out of the yellow.

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏