Short jokes
What animal has more lives than a cat?
A frog. It croaks every night.
What do you call a fish with no parents?
An orfin.
Why did the tangerine copy off other people's work?
Because the tangerine was unORANGEinal!
Some dude: Water you thinking?
Me: You're drowning in my head.
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
Welcome to Mississippi.
Hahaha, you have no PP!
What is red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
Why doesn't the orphan date the girl?
Because she is a home-y.
Why did the lady go to the dealership? Because she was going to get Hereford.
My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"
The skeleton cancelled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart just wasn’t in it.
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.
What can a mouse do?
He clicks.
I picked up a document, and I started to feel cold.
I looked down at the document, and it read "DRAFT."
Knock, knock. Who's there? Iceberg lettuce. Iceberg lettuce who? Iceberg! Let us in!
What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
Freshman: Hey, what's better, Ford or Chevy?
Senior: I don't f**kin' care as long as it drives.
Freshman: So, I'm guessing it's Chevy?
What's Stephen Hawking's other favorite song?
Steve Winwood's "Just Roll with It Baby."