Short jokes
So I was living with a girl for a few weeks, and it was nice until she found out that I was there.
You know, they didn't add the word "retard" into the dictionary for nothing.
What do you call it when a caveman does a fart?
A blast from the past!
What do you call Indian dhal that is delicious?
Well, that is DHALicious!
Mom: Please eat, baby!
Baby: No!
Mom: Here comes the airplane!
Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.
Son: What's for dinner tonight?
Mom: Steak!
Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?
Mom: HUNGER!
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
Someone asked me to go to hell, so I drove to my local middle school.
I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
How do you see past that forehead?
If I had to rate the attack on the Twin Towers from the Muslims, I'd give it a 9/11.
"Hey, today was great!"
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car!"
I made a deal with Satan. I would get a free pass to hell if I serve as a demon lord. So, see you guys at the end of times!
You’re so fat,
that your family moved to the other side of the U.S.A., but they still see you.
What was going through the head of a 9/11 victim on the 88th floor?
The 89th floor.
Your hairline goes as far back as the cavemen. Your forehead is also as deep as the cave.
How do you kill a spider?
Just get an autistic person.
What was the most useful tool in the 17th century?
Slaves.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair that lives in Africa?
Dry Vegetable.