Short jokes
What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"
How did Stephen Hawking really die?
His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!
What do you say to a magician with autism?
Are you "Autism-ic?"
Yo mama so fat, NASA used her stomach to jump to Uranus in seconds.
Can we have a party in space?
First, we need to planet ;)
Get it? "Plan it" = planet.
What’s the difference between Jimmy and a normal kid? Jimmy is fat.
I lost my virginity once and found it in a store being sold off.
What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?
My penis.
What did the girl get for Christmas?
Cancer.
I told my dad that I’m gay. He replied, “No, you're retarded.” Then he went off to kiss a baby.
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
What did the Hiroshima survivor say about the day Little Boy dropped? "It was a blast!"
Why does my dad hate me? Really, please tell me, I'm tired of the constant abuse and pain.
One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."
What is China's favorite restaurant?
The Pet Store.
America: I'm going to build a wall.
Nazi: Been there.
Soviet Union: Done that.
Americans are so fat that they named an atom bomb "Fat Man" to describe themselves.
Bean.
Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee?
Bruce Lee was no joking matter.