Short jokes
You can say what you want about deaf people...
My wife went to make a cake. The recipe said, "Separate two eggs," so she put one egg in the living room.
What does a pirate say to his girlfriend?
I want your booty!
How do you punish Helen Keller? You stick a toilet plunger in the toilet.
Why can't Helen Keller have kids? It went up too far.
I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
What do you call a man with no legs?
Neil (kneel)
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
Your forehead looks like the inside of a Malteser.
Donald Trump is, like, really orange.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Atoms are small, But so are you!
What do you call Mexicans running down a hill?
Sandstorm.
So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.
Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.
What is the similarity between Pink Floyd and Donald Trump:
The best thing they did was a wall.
Your mom is pregnant and you're the father.
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not Susie.
Your hairline [is] so bad, we needed to pull it from another universe.
How did the priest know the nun was on her period? He tasted blood on the altar boy's cock.
Cow: *can't be milked for 20 years*
9/11:
Bully: You are ugly.
Me: You are so fat, you are the Call of Duty map.
So I was at high school one day in the bathrooms, and I'm circumcised, and the kid next to me wasn't, so he showed me his pp, and he had a foreskin, so I was just playing with it until the teacher walked in, then I got fired...