Short jokes
The Emo kid wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?
Me: Word.
So things are just too tiring to sort out... like which adoption center you should send your son to?
You can only say "Kobe" now when you're playing flight simulator.
I threw a dodgeball at a blind kid and got him out... guess I can say he didn't see it coming!
You're so fat, you drank an invisibility potion, and everyone could still see you!
What do you call angry midgets?
Short-tempered.
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Nana when Zane kisses her in her mind: [Insert Chiwawa Scream!]
The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.
Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelephant.
Why do Russians drink grizzly bear piss?
Since vodka in Russia is so weak, Russians need a strong drink to get drunk.
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."
I could have sworn while watching anime I saw an American Boeing B-29 Superfortress in the background dropping bombs!
Does money grow on trees? No.
What is money made of? Paper.
What is paper made out of? Trees!
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
Which tower is better at playing catch? The south tower, obviously. It caught 2!