I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.
Short Jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.
What did the shoes say to the pants?
"SUP, BRITCHES!"
The previous joke was by Sebastian Wittrock, but he put Miguel Roberts as the name.
Why did Gemma fall off her bike?
She got hit by a fridge.
What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!
Where did the one legged lady work?
IHOP
What was the incontinent farmer's greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn't control his peas!
Stephen Hawking was an unfaithful man. He had an affair with Alexa.
Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?
She called for a price check.
Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.
What did the minute hand say to the hour hand?
Why are you so tall?
What does 1nan + 1nan = 2 smelly fucking dusty dumb fuck nans?
What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?
A milkshake.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Discord.
Discord who?
I need discord to plug in the phone.
I did 9/11 here's proof https://youtu.be/BVH73TonuG8
Why did they make bus stops? So the bus driver would know where to pick the orphan up.
Where do you go to get the best fish?
A restaurant on the Titanic.
So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"
What did the cow say when it wanted to go to the movies? -- "Let's go to the moovies!"