Short jokes
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
Cotton waiting to be picked.
What’s a priest's favorite sport?
Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.
What is the difference between a black man and Jew?
One was born burnt.
I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.
Why is there no phone in China?
Too many wings, too many wongs; might wing wrong number.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite type of candy?
A: Loli-pops.
Did you know Yao Ming has the biggest penis in Chinese history? It measured in at nearly 5 inches!
I only have sex with suicidal bitches because that pussy [is] limited edition.
Why is the cheetah so bad at hide-n-seek? Because every time she hides, she will always [be] spotted.
If Trump pooped in a toilet, the toilet would die.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.
Why are quadriplegics so unsympathetic? Because they only have feeling in 10% of their body.
Did you try the digital egg padlock? Because it is very easy to crack the code.
What’s the hardest part about f...ing toddlers?
My boner.
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
What is Jesus' favorite gun?
A nail gun.