Short jokes
Why is the sun so attractive? Because it is burning hot!
What do you say to a magician with autism?
Are you "Autism-ic?"
Yo mama so fat, NASA used her stomach to jump to Uranus in seconds.
Can we have a party in space?
First, we need to planet ;)
Get it? "Plan it" = planet.
What’s the difference between Jimmy and a normal kid? Jimmy is fat.
What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?
My penis.
I lost my virginity once and found it in a store being sold off.
What did the girl get for Christmas?
Cancer.
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
What's the difference between an ISIS militant base and a Pakistani children's school?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
I told my dad that I’m gay. He replied, “No, you're retarded.” Then he went off to kiss a baby.
Why does my dad hate me? Really, please tell me, I'm tired of the constant abuse and pain.
What did the Hiroshima survivor say about the day Little Boy dropped? "It was a blast!"
One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."
Bean.
Americans are so fat that they named an atom bomb "Fat Man" to describe themselves.
America: I'm going to build a wall.
Nazi: Been there.
Soviet Union: Done that.
An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."
What is China's favorite restaurant?
The Pet Store.
Scrolled through all of them, still haven't laughed.