What did Pluto say to Saturn while barbecuing steaks?
"Mine is meatier than yours."
Short Jokes
The Bigfoots had a campfire. One Bigfoot asked what should we roast next. The other replied, "Maybe a penis and a girl."
ICE and ISIS have similar first syllables. Coincidence? I think not!
No matter how big the jar, there is one thing that can never fit inside it. What is it?
Not to brag, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.
Imagine there's a funny joke here... imagined it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you're schizophrenic.
How do you know if a rapist loves you?
He will rape you many times.
"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"
What is a room you can not enter?
A mushroom.
OMG, I had a really good hand joke, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.
I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.
Elephant
What’s twelve inches and white?
Nothing.
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
I got hit by a bus.
But the bus was my ex.
Why is the wheel the best invention?
Because it's wheely wheely great!
Did you hear about the band Manhole? I hear they're a metal cover.
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?
I hear they got six months each.
Stephen Hawking got an engine swap with a Nissan 350Z, and they said his wheelchair wasn't street legal :/
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
