Short jokes
1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
What famous book writer for kids loved insects?
Beatrix Potter.
I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.
Why couldn't the twins never do anything right?
Because they were triplets!
You’re so short you would need a lift to kiss your bride.
If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!
You know how to draw a horse? If not, look in a mirror and draw what you see.
My chocolate babe is calling my name, and now I'm about to get my chocolate freak on.
Son: Mom, can I tell you something?
Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?
Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!
Mom: Well, I made you.
KK or Liv?
Why were the apple and orange all alone? Because the banana "split."
What fruit is square and green? A lemon in disguise.
My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."
What did one bee say to the other bee?
"I love you, honey!"
What does the chicken say when he didn't understand something?
"What hap-HENd?"
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle?
A meter stick.
What’s the difference between 69 and a family reunion?
You only see one asshole in 69.
Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.
Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.
Me: Ok.
*Ring*
Me: Opens the door.
Oh sh*t!
Mom: Gets flip flop.