Short jokes
Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!
What's the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? A fisherman has to bring proof back.
Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"
Where's your mom?
In the bin.
What does this website with its comments and a cult have in common?
We have a case of Witzelsucht.
My sister is so short she can't walk.
How do you surprise a blind guy?
Say, "Surprise!"
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost? The nearest Shell station.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
I want an almond-flavored biscuit.
I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?
If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?
I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.