Short jokes
There were four people who went to land... only three returned... Why?
They left someone for memories!
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So I took away his towers, and he took away my queen.
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
Why did the woman cross the road?
What’s she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?
Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?
HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.
Why was the Mexican scared of cold water?
It might turn into ICE.
"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."
What word starts with n and ends with r and you wouldn’t wanna call a Black person?
You really thought n****r, didn't you?
- Sometimes I feel like killing myself...
- But?
- ...
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
What has 2 arms but no legs?
A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.
I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"
Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.