Short jokes
You just made a Mist-ake.
Anyone here a spoon?
How did the skeleton win the girl? He was humerus.
Myself.
If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
So I went to the gym and I found a hymn.
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
Why aren't dogs known as carrots? Because they aren't.
Biggest lie ever told: it was the cat.
Post Malone was in the hospital, but he is BETTER NOW.
Your dad must be a mailman.
What was the oak tree's response to the apple tree's joke?
You should leaf it alone!
He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.
She: Why?
He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
Are you choked?
If I was a cow and could dance, I'd bust some moooooves while I uddered some lyrics!
12/8?
Ryan.
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.
Turns out it was the fridge.
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"