Short jokes
What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.
Why did the blonde snort artificial sweetener?
She thought it was diet coke.
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.
Why are Indian people bad at Monopoly?
Because whenever they hit the corner, they build a shop.
Roses are red, violets are blue, You're so flat we can play chess on your chest!
Why do emos suck at playing tic-tac-toe on their wrists?
Because when they win, they lose.
Why are gay men better than straight women?
Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was black.
Did you hear? There's a new fast food restaurant coming: Jacko in the Box.
“Which tool,” Andrea Bocelli asks Chris Doemges, “fits best in the mailbox?”
Doemges: “Probably the flathead screwdriver!”
I keep hearing "Obesity kills."
My only question is "Why is it taking so long?"
Kid 1: "It's a bird!"
Kid 2: "It's a plane!"
Me: "It's a terrorist!"
How do you stun a Scotsman?
Ask them to say "purple burglar alarm".
Your hairline go so far back it remember the Civil War, ugly ahh.
Q. Why did the pimp buy a journal?
A. To organize his thots.
Who was most surprised by Jeffrey Epstein's suicide?
Jeffrey Epstein.
Why do trannies suck at being soldiers? Because they have a 41% casualty rate.
What is a Jamaican's idea of a balanced diet?
A joint in each hand.
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
What dating app do people in Alabama use? Ancestry.com.