Short jokes
What's a lesbian's favorite weapon?
A finger-gun👉👌
What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?
"Alpaca my bags."
When the feminists find out that it's humanity, not huwomanity.
I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.
Stephen Hawking is just in a role play. He died to a crash in Minecraft.
Sam's mum is so fat, when she fell down the stairs, I thought EastEnders finished!
What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?
We're both blind.
What do you call a priest that likes juice?
A Capriest Sun.
Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.
Remember the name Ben Andrews.
Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.
His parents weren't too happy.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
I've got a job defusing landmines.
It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.
Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?
Friend B: Yes, why?
Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
What did the farmer say to the doll?
You death baby doll.
Are you the Twin Towers? 'Cause you sure upgraded.
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
"If your enemy is kicking your ass, blame it on the lag."
-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War