Short jokes
At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.
Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
'Cause they only had 4 trucks.
What war did the black community win?
The Obama era. Only to lose to a smarter white person.
I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.
I just cut everyone.
Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
I think Kobe misunderstood the 6-ft rule.
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
New business idea: let's put a KFC in Africa and a watermelon shop.
I never make that type of joke. They always seem to crash and burn.
Why do emo kids hate high fives?
They’re always left hanging.
You know what’s traumatizing?
Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.
Help!
You are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think, "Not now."
Your hairline recedes so far back that it defends your forehead.
Your hairline is the reason why some women have miscarriages.
What do the Twin Towers and Angry Birds' pigs have in common?
They always getting hit.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"
I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.
I call it my trail mix.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.