Short jokes
Why is the sun so mean? Because it keeps ROASTING everyone!
What is the postman's favorite fruit?
Water-mail-on.
What do you call an emo hosting a charity event?
Fund razor.
What do you call an overly clingy child?
A tumor.
Subscribe to Sean Alvarez!
"Ohh wing wing."
What's long, hard, and bloody?
The Boston Marathon.
Sleep and death are alike; it's just with death you don't wake up.
Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?
Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.
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Say hi to outer space. Hi, now say how are you doing to the moon. Hi, how are you doing? Why are you wasting your time? XD lol
How do rappers stay organized?
They keep their rap sheets in order.
You're so fat that when you went sunbathing at the beach, Greenpeace came along and pushed you back in the ocean.
Hi, I'm the wicked wiener!!!
When your little brother knocks your two Jenga towers you made with his toy airplane,
You: "Hey, stop trying to recreate the Twin Towers!"
Him: I work with animals all day.
Her: Awwww what do you do?
Him: I'm a pornstar.
Suck on deez balls!
A salamander came by me the other day and he AXOLOTL questions. Ba dum tss!!!
Why are orphans so gayyyyyyy?
He drove too far away from the wall, and the cord unplugged.