Short jokes
Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.
Why are most firefighters men? Because they like to find hot places and leave them wet.
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
If I make a summer camp for kids with concentration problems, will it be a "Concentration Camp"?
I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!
(This is a fucked up pick up line). Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11.
Why do trees never call emo kids?
The emos always hang up on them.
Broccoli is like anal sex.
If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?
An orphan has all their teeth intact.
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
What has three balls and flies through space?
E.T. the extra testicle.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
Stop hating on pedos. At least they drive slow in school zones.
What do you say after committing incest?
No Chromo!
What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
Neither has he.
What does Michael Jackson like about 28 year olds? There's 20 of them!
"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."
"What was your first impression on him?"
"I told him, she calls me daddy too."
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.