Short jokes
Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?
Mom: Shut up and keep licking.
What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
Why are most firefighters men? Because they like to find hot places and leave them wet.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
(This is a fucked up pick up line). Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11.
If I make a summer camp for kids with concentration problems, will it be a "Concentration Camp"?
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
Why do trees never call emo kids?
The emos always hang up on them.
I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?
An orphan has all their teeth intact.
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
Stop hating on pedos. At least they drive slow in school zones.
What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.
What do you say after committing incest?
No Chromo!
What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
Neither has he.
What does Michael Jackson like about 28 year olds? There's 20 of them!
Broccoli is like anal sex.
If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."
"What was your first impression on him?"
"I told him, she calls me daddy too."
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.